I guess however I touch this topic it will be up for controversy.
Still been meaning to pen down some of my very personal thoughts on this subject.
Trigger- all the sappy videos we get in fb and Whatsapp where a son will leave his mother/father in a old age home and walk away.
Now I am not trying to question any belief of disrespect anyone here.
But coming to the point- what I do not totally get is - with all the changes our society is boasting of- how come you Dont really get to see a daughter doing the same ?
Always (and believe me I have seen at least 7 diff videos) its the son who does this and the wife who makes him. Always the question arising in my mind is -Does the 'son' not have a brain of his own?
Besides, do parents who have only daughters never get old?
If they do who takes care of them?
Are all son in laws super understanding in this regard?
When there is an understanding - a clear vision in the minds of parents who have only daughters that in their old age they will be dignified and won't expect their daughters to take care of them - why is the same clarity not present in the so called lucky parents having boys ?
Or the other way round - if I have only a daughter I should be fully allowed to expect her to take care of me in my old age .
Or even if I have a son- why can't my daughter still care for me.
Why still in our society we get to hear - she has a son but what to do daughter only taking care . What in heavens name is wrong with that?
And why all these videos show the old age homes or retirement retreats or whatever ,as so pathetic.
If my children are abroad and I Dont want to leave my roots and I go to one such place-willingly - does that make my children n their spouses uncaring and cruel?
For all one knows I may be having a lot of fun with people my age- talking walking and doing what I am supposed to.
Another radical approach - a marriage according to Indian society is between two families right ? So what if in old age the girls parents and guys parents stay together and take care of each other ?
Mind it I am not saying that no one should expect anything of children or children should simply give up their parents.
All I am pointing out is there may be circumstances when parents Dont really want to trapeze around the world with you.
Or they may just want to enjoy their grandchildren without being the unofficial all time caretakers for them.
Everyone's desires should be accounted for.
For a son to say- without saying - to stay with me of course you have to take care of my child -as me and my spouse are working- is wrong somewhere . Every son or daughter is required to ask if it ok with them to take care of kid or kids and not judge if there are times they can't.
And please Dont say its not necessary to thank parents when they do you this biggest favor. You would thank a complete stranger profusely but in the name of relation you would take your own for granted ? Is that also not wrong?
Once again this is not to hurt or judge. Its simply something I feel. As we grow old - and we will! We also will value our dignity the most.
If you are a bit practical you would see that the so called western culture is not stranding ones parents and walking off. It is actually letting them have a life of their own and giving them their space and still being with them.
Of course a lot of elderly mentality has to change - maybe not possible now, but what is possible is we could be this change.
We could be the elderly community which would allow the youngers to take and give space.
And for now, If you can value the dignity and give space to your parents then yes you are on the right path I guess :-) And kudos to those sons ,daughters ,son in laws and daughter in laws for doing their part with patience love and care.
And to those elders for putting up with the nowadays idiosyncracies and being at peace. Again all my own personal views only. Welcoming all views here !
Still been meaning to pen down some of my very personal thoughts on this subject.
Trigger- all the sappy videos we get in fb and Whatsapp where a son will leave his mother/father in a old age home and walk away.
Now I am not trying to question any belief of disrespect anyone here.
But coming to the point- what I do not totally get is - with all the changes our society is boasting of- how come you Dont really get to see a daughter doing the same ?
Always (and believe me I have seen at least 7 diff videos) its the son who does this and the wife who makes him. Always the question arising in my mind is -Does the 'son' not have a brain of his own?
Besides, do parents who have only daughters never get old?
If they do who takes care of them?
Are all son in laws super understanding in this regard?
When there is an understanding - a clear vision in the minds of parents who have only daughters that in their old age they will be dignified and won't expect their daughters to take care of them - why is the same clarity not present in the so called lucky parents having boys ?
Or the other way round - if I have only a daughter I should be fully allowed to expect her to take care of me in my old age .
Or even if I have a son- why can't my daughter still care for me.
Why still in our society we get to hear - she has a son but what to do daughter only taking care . What in heavens name is wrong with that?
And why all these videos show the old age homes or retirement retreats or whatever ,as so pathetic.
If my children are abroad and I Dont want to leave my roots and I go to one such place-willingly - does that make my children n their spouses uncaring and cruel?
For all one knows I may be having a lot of fun with people my age- talking walking and doing what I am supposed to.
Another radical approach - a marriage according to Indian society is between two families right ? So what if in old age the girls parents and guys parents stay together and take care of each other ?
Mind it I am not saying that no one should expect anything of children or children should simply give up their parents.
All I am pointing out is there may be circumstances when parents Dont really want to trapeze around the world with you.
Or they may just want to enjoy their grandchildren without being the unofficial all time caretakers for them.
Everyone's desires should be accounted for.
For a son to say- without saying - to stay with me of course you have to take care of my child -as me and my spouse are working- is wrong somewhere . Every son or daughter is required to ask if it ok with them to take care of kid or kids and not judge if there are times they can't.
And please Dont say its not necessary to thank parents when they do you this biggest favor. You would thank a complete stranger profusely but in the name of relation you would take your own for granted ? Is that also not wrong?
Once again this is not to hurt or judge. Its simply something I feel. As we grow old - and we will! We also will value our dignity the most.
If you are a bit practical you would see that the so called western culture is not stranding ones parents and walking off. It is actually letting them have a life of their own and giving them their space and still being with them.
Of course a lot of elderly mentality has to change - maybe not possible now, but what is possible is we could be this change.
We could be the elderly community which would allow the youngers to take and give space.
And for now, If you can value the dignity and give space to your parents then yes you are on the right path I guess :-) And kudos to those sons ,daughters ,son in laws and daughter in laws for doing their part with patience love and care.
And to those elders for putting up with the nowadays idiosyncracies and being at peace. Again all my own personal views only. Welcoming all views here !
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