A different perspective !

I guess however I touch this topic it will be up for controversy.
Still been meaning to pen down some of my very personal thoughts on this subject.
Trigger- all the sappy videos we get in fb and Whatsapp where a son will leave his mother/father in a old age home and walk away.
Now I am not trying to question any belief of disrespect anyone here.
But coming to the point- what I do not totally get is - with all the changes our society is boasting of- how come you Dont really get to see a daughter doing the same ?
 Always (and believe me I have seen at least 7 diff videos) its the son who does this and the wife who makes him. Always the question arising in my mind is -Does the 'son' not have a brain of his own?
Besides, do parents who have only daughters never get old?
If they do who takes care of them?
 Are all son in laws super understanding in this regard?
When there is an understanding - a clear vision in the minds of parents who have only daughters that in their old age they will be dignified and won't expect their daughters to take care of them - why is the same clarity not present in the so called lucky parents having boys ?
Or the other way round - if I have only a daughter I should be fully allowed to expect her to take care of me in my old age .
Or even if I have a son- why can't my daughter still care for me.
Why still in our society we get to hear - she has a son but what to do daughter only taking care . What in heavens name is wrong with that?
And why all these videos show the old age homes or retirement retreats or whatever ,as so pathetic.

If my children are abroad and I Dont want to leave my roots and I go to one such place-willingly - does that make my children n their spouses uncaring and cruel?
For all one knows I may be having a lot of fun with people my age- talking walking and doing what I am supposed to.
Another radical approach - a marriage according to Indian society is between two families right ? So what if in old age the girls parents and guys parents stay together and take care of each other ?
Mind it I am not saying that no one should expect anything of children or children should simply give up their parents.
All I am pointing out is there may be circumstances when parents Dont really want to trapeze around the world with you.
Or they may just want to enjoy their grandchildren without being the unofficial all time caretakers for them.
 Everyone's desires should be accounted for.
 For a son to say- without saying -  to stay with me of course you have to take care of my child -as me and my spouse are working- is wrong somewhere . Every son or daughter is required to ask if it ok with them to take care of kid or kids and not judge if there are times they can't.
And please Dont say its not necessary to thank parents when they do you this biggest favor. You would thank a complete stranger profusely but in the name of relation you would take your own for granted ? Is that also not wrong?
Once again this is not to hurt or judge. Its simply something I feel. As we grow old - and we will! We also will value our dignity the most.
 If you are a bit practical you would see that the so called western culture is not stranding ones parents and walking off. It is actually letting them have a life of their own and giving them their space and still being with them.
 Of course a lot of elderly mentality has to change - maybe not possible now, but what is possible is we could be this change.
 We could be the elderly community which would allow the youngers to take and give space.
And for now,  If you can value the dignity and give space to  your parents then yes you are on the right path I guess :-) And kudos to those sons ,daughters ,son in laws and daughter in laws for doing their part with patience love and care.
And to those elders for putting up with the nowadays idiosyncracies and being at peace. Again all my own personal views only. Welcoming all views here !

Of faith and simplicity!

It's been forever since I last updated anything here. Rains , Kids home blah blah. Lets skip all that.
But there are some things which stick in your brain and beg to be written and shared with all. So here I am after a long long time amazed and ready to amaze you all.
I have a cook and like all cooks she comes in early cooks and leaves. Evenings she spends some time with me chatting and telling me her life. That's how I got to know her story.
Neela ki life ki kahaani.
She is all of just 40 years , a real vibrant n pleasant personality .
Morning if I am lucky enough to get up when she comes- I get to see a bright fresh face clad in a nice saree very decently worn. Fair of face sporting a bindi on her forehead and jasmine flowers in her hair she literally brings the morning into my house.
Her story however is not so pleasant.
Got married at the age of 14 and started producing kids by 17. And by producing I do mean producing for she boasts of 4 children. Two boys and two girls, the eldest boy being 24 and youngest girl 17 in a boarding school .Husband -now here's the cliché -a drunkard good for nothing wife beater. Fortunately for her- or so I believe he left her for another when her youngest was 5. After that she did literally everything to keep her family in food n education . She got a proper divorce in the court and traded her alimony and child support for full custody of her children - something the man anyways was going to give as he didn't want any of the kids in his brand new life. Yes -he was kind enough to throw that in her face later.
She cooked cleaned mopped . Did odds and ends and saved for the proverbial rainy day. She put in deposits with people she trusted and bought a piece of land, some gold and made a life for her and her children. She made her son finish his degree , married one daughter off and put the other in a hostel so she- the daughter - wouldn't lose focus. She stands like a pillar for her children and says being abandoned made her strong.
Re marriage -she is very clear on that too. Don't want to answer to any man ever again in life. Such a strong lady- her only solace is God. She believes and her faith is a palpable thing. She won't give up her temple going days for anyone or anything. There is a small temple in her area which did not have actual statues of her favorite Gods. And so she and some of her friends set about the task of getting donations and procuring the statues . Every day she would hurry through her work and run off to do this and that for the temple.
It amused me no end.

We have a day in south when we get the Lord Murugan -son of Shiva and Parvathi - married to his two wives - Valli and Devanai. The statues were to be ready for that day and they were . She stood by the printing of invites for the royal ceremony n distributing the same. And all the while urged me to come and see and be a part of the holy reunion.
Now I am a believer in God for sure. I have my own way of praying . I don't really relish the idea of going to a temple on an auspicious day when there is too much crowd and chances are God would be too busy to notice me. But her excitement was contagious and I couldn't refuse . So I went - for the very first time. Although I have heard and I know the stories of this Godly marriage , I was seeing it for the first time. I reached the temple and once there it was amazing to see how many devotees had turned up to take part in the heavenly joining . But nothing was more tangible than Neela's joy and the look of pride she wore as she stood near the statues watching in awe as the wedding took place. She was so happy. Overjoyed to be a part of this celebration. It was a scene in itself.
In an age and stage when one has almost lost the belief in the institution of marriage, where more and more people are into themselves and no compromise of any kind in anything, there she was- a lady- with four children left alone by her husband - to struggle and strive and succeed - believing and believing so strongly in marriage and be so ecstatic to be a part of it. The simplicity of it shook me. Some may call it blind stupid belief and some others may laugh saying she is uneducated and hence so simple. But the faith and strength she has humbles me, makes me think if all the education n knowledge we have makes us arrogant n overthink. Makes our egos overblown. Anyways analysis aside. She taught me one thing - that you can learn a lesson from almost anyone in your life.
Muruganukku haroharaa !