Friends and WTF Friends !! (Hashtagged of course ( tongue sticking out emoji)) !

So-  my teenage cousin started her blog and wrote a brilliant piece on transition- from school to college, on friends and relations and career and future !

And the lazy writer in me finally got enough energy to get up and respond.

It amazes me to see kids today - classic Aunty Line I know - lose touch and drift away from friends whom they swore they couldn't do without. I mean , there was THAT time - again classic AL - when we had no means to keep in touch. No phones. No internet. No WTF - hey hey I mean WhatsApp Twitter and Facebook- yet we somehow managed to plod along all these years and still be together. My #BFF - I hope I am using it right coz I really don't get the hashtags to be honest - is still my BFF and the Fs I gathered along the way will be F now that I am more matured ( like an expensive wine bottle of course ) .
We wrote letters I remember. And our parents kept in touch with each other for our sake. The bonds we formed were not the ones where we had to share every minute of every day with each other. We could go for years not talking and yet pick up from where we left off. The insecurity which social media brought into relations - friend relatives whatever - is tremendous.

-You saw my message and didn't respond !! (sad emoji)
- I tell you I saw the double ticks - in blue colour nonetheless ! (outrage or sad or smirk - what should I convey (thinking emoji ))
-You didn't like my status - what kind of a friend are you ! (the one with air coming out of nostril??) --You have time to change your DP but no time to type out a hi ! ( Maybe the all teeth showing embarrassed one? !!)

 These are some most common forms.
 Keeping up a relationship becomes a strain rather than a pleasure. Gone is the absolute confidence in your friend that no matter how many years go buy and how many friends she gathers - your place remains yours and will not be taken over ever.
Of course these things should and do get better with time. We do see some names and numbers travelling across every smart phone we possess and make it till the end safely. But some simply fade away - not for the lack of opportunity  but becoz.. well just becoz.
And I must add - not only the pressure of maintaining relations but also the pressure of breaking them off is tremendous.
Now you just don't decide - ok this is it boss! You go your way and I mine. This is the end of all that was between us.
 No sir ! Coz you are Facebook friends or friends with Facebook friends or common Google circle or WhatsApp friends or snapchat   Instagram and so on and so forth.
What's the harm in checking what's happening their end.
A little peek at the status.
Picture.
Last seen.
And before you know it you are the quintessential peeping Tom - of course you put it down to healthy curiosity and not at all stalking.
And even though you no longer care or give a crap - still its disconcerting to see someone going on with their life without you ! that too Happily !!! ( definitely the air nostril emoji !)

Not to mention the enormous need to show off how happy you are in return by putting up selfies and status which practically radiate your success - even if the actual you sulks somewhere.

Don't misunderstand.
I am all in for the social media. It has made keeping in touch so much easier. Miles are no longer a hindrance with all this budding technology. I can chat with my #BFF ( that's right hashtag - eat your heart out ) whether I am in Chennai or in Chicago without any difference. But the catch is to form the tethers first which hold on for a lifetime.
So let me use a typical AL again and say- I feel bad for most of the now gen - not generalizing really- but maybe generalizing a bit .
Whatever they do - they cannot just cannot have THAT confidence we had in our #BFFs becoz ours held together without means !
Not to belittle any friendship any over time.
But we had it best - made the ties minus tech and kept them strong with !
Come on ! We are getting old. Let us have this at least :-P !! 

A different perspective !

I guess however I touch this topic it will be up for controversy.
Still been meaning to pen down some of my very personal thoughts on this subject.
Trigger- all the sappy videos we get in fb and Whatsapp where a son will leave his mother/father in a old age home and walk away.
Now I am not trying to question any belief of disrespect anyone here.
But coming to the point- what I do not totally get is - with all the changes our society is boasting of- how come you Dont really get to see a daughter doing the same ?
 Always (and believe me I have seen at least 7 diff videos) its the son who does this and the wife who makes him. Always the question arising in my mind is -Does the 'son' not have a brain of his own?
Besides, do parents who have only daughters never get old?
If they do who takes care of them?
 Are all son in laws super understanding in this regard?
When there is an understanding - a clear vision in the minds of parents who have only daughters that in their old age they will be dignified and won't expect their daughters to take care of them - why is the same clarity not present in the so called lucky parents having boys ?
Or the other way round - if I have only a daughter I should be fully allowed to expect her to take care of me in my old age .
Or even if I have a son- why can't my daughter still care for me.
Why still in our society we get to hear - she has a son but what to do daughter only taking care . What in heavens name is wrong with that?
And why all these videos show the old age homes or retirement retreats or whatever ,as so pathetic.

If my children are abroad and I Dont want to leave my roots and I go to one such place-willingly - does that make my children n their spouses uncaring and cruel?
For all one knows I may be having a lot of fun with people my age- talking walking and doing what I am supposed to.
Another radical approach - a marriage according to Indian society is between two families right ? So what if in old age the girls parents and guys parents stay together and take care of each other ?
Mind it I am not saying that no one should expect anything of children or children should simply give up their parents.
All I am pointing out is there may be circumstances when parents Dont really want to trapeze around the world with you.
Or they may just want to enjoy their grandchildren without being the unofficial all time caretakers for them.
 Everyone's desires should be accounted for.
 For a son to say- without saying -  to stay with me of course you have to take care of my child -as me and my spouse are working- is wrong somewhere . Every son or daughter is required to ask if it ok with them to take care of kid or kids and not judge if there are times they can't.
And please Dont say its not necessary to thank parents when they do you this biggest favor. You would thank a complete stranger profusely but in the name of relation you would take your own for granted ? Is that also not wrong?
Once again this is not to hurt or judge. Its simply something I feel. As we grow old - and we will! We also will value our dignity the most.
 If you are a bit practical you would see that the so called western culture is not stranding ones parents and walking off. It is actually letting them have a life of their own and giving them their space and still being with them.
 Of course a lot of elderly mentality has to change - maybe not possible now, but what is possible is we could be this change.
 We could be the elderly community which would allow the youngers to take and give space.
And for now,  If you can value the dignity and give space to  your parents then yes you are on the right path I guess :-) And kudos to those sons ,daughters ,son in laws and daughter in laws for doing their part with patience love and care.
And to those elders for putting up with the nowadays idiosyncracies and being at peace. Again all my own personal views only. Welcoming all views here !

Of faith and simplicity!

It's been forever since I last updated anything here. Rains , Kids home blah blah. Lets skip all that.
But there are some things which stick in your brain and beg to be written and shared with all. So here I am after a long long time amazed and ready to amaze you all.
I have a cook and like all cooks she comes in early cooks and leaves. Evenings she spends some time with me chatting and telling me her life. That's how I got to know her story.
Neela ki life ki kahaani.
She is all of just 40 years , a real vibrant n pleasant personality .
Morning if I am lucky enough to get up when she comes- I get to see a bright fresh face clad in a nice saree very decently worn. Fair of face sporting a bindi on her forehead and jasmine flowers in her hair she literally brings the morning into my house.
Her story however is not so pleasant.
Got married at the age of 14 and started producing kids by 17. And by producing I do mean producing for she boasts of 4 children. Two boys and two girls, the eldest boy being 24 and youngest girl 17 in a boarding school .Husband -now here's the cliché -a drunkard good for nothing wife beater. Fortunately for her- or so I believe he left her for another when her youngest was 5. After that she did literally everything to keep her family in food n education . She got a proper divorce in the court and traded her alimony and child support for full custody of her children - something the man anyways was going to give as he didn't want any of the kids in his brand new life. Yes -he was kind enough to throw that in her face later.
She cooked cleaned mopped . Did odds and ends and saved for the proverbial rainy day. She put in deposits with people she trusted and bought a piece of land, some gold and made a life for her and her children. She made her son finish his degree , married one daughter off and put the other in a hostel so she- the daughter - wouldn't lose focus. She stands like a pillar for her children and says being abandoned made her strong.
Re marriage -she is very clear on that too. Don't want to answer to any man ever again in life. Such a strong lady- her only solace is God. She believes and her faith is a palpable thing. She won't give up her temple going days for anyone or anything. There is a small temple in her area which did not have actual statues of her favorite Gods. And so she and some of her friends set about the task of getting donations and procuring the statues . Every day she would hurry through her work and run off to do this and that for the temple.
It amused me no end.

We have a day in south when we get the Lord Murugan -son of Shiva and Parvathi - married to his two wives - Valli and Devanai. The statues were to be ready for that day and they were . She stood by the printing of invites for the royal ceremony n distributing the same. And all the while urged me to come and see and be a part of the holy reunion.
Now I am a believer in God for sure. I have my own way of praying . I don't really relish the idea of going to a temple on an auspicious day when there is too much crowd and chances are God would be too busy to notice me. But her excitement was contagious and I couldn't refuse . So I went - for the very first time. Although I have heard and I know the stories of this Godly marriage , I was seeing it for the first time. I reached the temple and once there it was amazing to see how many devotees had turned up to take part in the heavenly joining . But nothing was more tangible than Neela's joy and the look of pride she wore as she stood near the statues watching in awe as the wedding took place. She was so happy. Overjoyed to be a part of this celebration. It was a scene in itself.
In an age and stage when one has almost lost the belief in the institution of marriage, where more and more people are into themselves and no compromise of any kind in anything, there she was- a lady- with four children left alone by her husband - to struggle and strive and succeed - believing and believing so strongly in marriage and be so ecstatic to be a part of it. The simplicity of it shook me. Some may call it blind stupid belief and some others may laugh saying she is uneducated and hence so simple. But the faith and strength she has humbles me, makes me think if all the education n knowledge we have makes us arrogant n overthink. Makes our egos overblown. Anyways analysis aside. She taught me one thing - that you can learn a lesson from almost anyone in your life.
Muruganukku haroharaa !

MY METRO :)

My first ride In delhi metro was simply awesome!

It started like this. I wanted to meet my school friend who is in gurgaon. My home is somewhere in the center of delhi and it would have taken me easily 2 – 2 ½ hour to reach her. The traffic, heat, pollution- I kept postponing going to see her thinking of all this. Delhi is scorching right now and it really saps ones energy to just step out for a while. So reaching gurgaon was like reaching mars for me (rather mercury as that’s the hottest !!) Then my dad told me to take the metro and I was like – I don’t want to take a cab- Why would I want to take a TRAIN of all things!

But I had to make it because she is my best friend and she just had a baby and .. well I had to go. So I started at 10:30 in the morning and went to the Khan Market station. That’s totally just 3 minutes from my home. There were arrows pointing to HUDA City Center platform and I took a straight ticket to there. Cost was Rs.25 whereas a cab would have cost me Rs.500 one way! Though I had to change the train in one station and take another for my destination the ticket would be the same till I reach Gurgaon and step out of the station there. So I don’t have to go and purchase another ticket for the next train and run looking for the counter again. So far so good. They checked my bag – airport style and then down I went to catch my train. The station was so so clean that for a minute my brain refused to accept that this was indeed India ! There was an electronic board announcing the time left for the train to come. In two minutes the train slid into the platform and when I say slid I mean slid because there was absolutely no screeching sound or any of the chugs chugs you come to associate with trains. Pristine white the doors slid open (again noiselessly) and people stepped out while the ones who had to board waited by the side. I got in and ah ! blessed cool.  The temperature was awesome and I thanked my stars. The doors closed locking the coolness in and I sat into a silver seat. I could see the electronic board announcing the next station as well as a detail map as to which stations the train covers. As eating, drinking and smoking were a no no in these metros it was clean as a whistle and the first class compartments are all reserved for ladies. All round were different people – some with Ipods (western style) others murmuring over their mobiles and still others studying for exams. The train was so neat(I know I keep repeating this but I am still amazed !) that I saw one student doing her record work sitting down as she couldn’t get a seat ! And my mind went back to MY college days when I and my friend used to take the local DTC and never once reach the college without being pawed or hit upon by someone in the crowd. And what a put down to the whole day it is when you get into the bus and someone with bad breath decides that you would do for today and gropes with his sweaty hands to see which part of you he could reach. I am not trying to be gross here and every student who has ever taken the local DTC buses to anywhere will attest to my statement here. And here I saw how neatly and comfortably students could travel not having to worry about all this and felt a little pang of jealousy that we never got to enjoy this.

I changed trains in central secretariat (no problem at all as the announcement kept on coming and I knew exactly where I had to get down and exactly where to go for the next line). Made the journey in less than an hour and with all my hair in place. Coming out of the cool cool train was a wrench and I really looked forward to the journey back as well.

I have been in the metros in China and Canada and I will say honestly – if not better- Delhi metro stands on equal footing with them. And being mine as in being in MY country its all the more special to me. One of the proudest moments is as I write this because wherever you go – homeland IS the best.

What more to say METRO ROCKS !!!

EGO - No No !

This one is for you - Raja- My cousin brother who was taken away from us so suddenly that even two years later the ache hasn't dulled. You changed my life by going out of it - and I would always regret not spending time with you when I could have.

Like it is said that a small four letter word – “Love” can make someone’s life heaven the same way an even smaller word “ego” can break so many relations. We know this to be true. We realize it and even advice people about it. Yet when it comes to ourselves we cannot help the show of ego. We may not even realize that it IS ego but that’s what the devil is.

I lost a lot of people to this- three letter evil and never even had the heart to accept that it was ego that spurred me to act in the way I did. Because ego will always justify what you do as right, you will never have the slightest doubt that maybe just maybe somewhere you were to be blamed too.

A small altercation when I was in college had me not going to my uncle’s place for years to come. Even when I shifted to the same city as him I didn’t go. My ego- the one I had pampered and fed – told me I was right in doing this. And then one day, poof! My cousin died in a mountaineering accident. And I was filled with so much remorse and so much rage too. It was not fair. I loved them. My uncle. My cousin brother. Okay! So I had been a bit angry for some time. But I would have gone and I would have managed to put my ego aside someday. But for me that someday had been cruelly snatched away. Now I no longer could tell my brother that I had cared for him. I still cringe when I think how I had in a fit of anger and ego proclaimed that I would never attend his wedding. And now I would actually never.

One can say that was a turning point in my life. It’s not an easy task to simply kill off your ego and become a saint in one day. But I try every day. I don’t want to lose one more person, one more day with someone I like, love just because I have a small bone to pick with them. The right moment may never come you know.

I got back in touch with one who meant a lot to me and whom I gave up simply because of my ego. It felt good to do it. Really! That one mail – which I wrote where in I said sorry and I still care was responded to. No, I did NOT lose my dignity just because I said maybe some of the bitterness was my fault. No, I was not laughed at or ridiculed or remarked “I knew you would come crawling back” ever, like I had imagined in my mind. It just gave me my friend back. Someone who meant a lot, means a lot now, someone I always wanted back and because of EGO never did anything about.

And still, I have my moments when I struggle with my ego. When I have to stifle it down or at least pet it so it goes back to sleep. When I start to feel I am going to lose someone because of this little manufacturing defect of mine, I take notice and correct it. I do and I AM proud of it. And I am telling you now, I don’t even mind being ridiculed or I don’t care if someone says I came crawling back. Life is too short and people whom I love and care for – it’s completely in my hand to keep them in my life. Anything goes wrong in any relationship of mine I am going to definitely make sure it is NOT going to be because of MY ego. That’s a promise I took 2 years back – for you my brother- to whom I could never say how much I did care. So today I do tell my uncle that I am there for him. As a daughter. As a friend too.

So if you have someone in your life whom you have pushed away just because of your ego – and you will know it deep in your heart who that person or persons are- then go ahead and get in touch. It is so not worth it to let ego spoil anything for you. If you care for someone then NOW is the time to let them know. Life may not give you a second chance. So go for it now.

"Yes yes.. mamma will give you sweety", my friend crooned to her 3 year old. It was her son's birthday and she had put together a party and as all kids - he was totaly cranky at his own party. I watched as Vidya rushed to the kitchen trying to find her son's favourite glass to give him water. Her place was jam packed with people.

She was working with a leading IT company and she had really struggled to make it home on time for this party. The whole day too had gone by for her trying to juggle work and making invitation calls to her various relatives for the big party. It was already 7:30 and everyone had come and the cake still hadn't arrived. Vivek was supposed to pick it up on the way back home and he hadnt even started yet. She wondered just when it would finally come and they would cut it and the party would get over and everyone would go home and she would ... whew!! finally rest her feet. Just thinking about it made her head spin. She had round about 9 permanent members in her posh 3 bedroom apartment. Having married her first cousin, she had her parents , her brother in law, her grandma (also Vivek's of course) and her 2 uncles staying with them. Every day was one big party for her as she tried to satisfy so many people's whims and still tried to take out some time for them as a family.

I watched her, running from place to place and trying to get things just right and I thought of the Vidya I knew years back.

I and Vidya had been classmates 9 years back when we had both come to Trichy to do our post graduate. I still remember my first impression of her - whirlwind ! Thats what came to mind. Small structured, bob cut hair, a fitting salwar, perky eyes and a mouth that never stopped smiling. That was Vidya. There wasn't a single person in the college who didn't know her. She was smart, funny and fun to be with.

Flowing water - you can admire it and even think you got a taste but when you try to hold it in your hands it slips through your fingers. That was how she was - like flowing water. No one knew what made her tick - what made her cry or laugh for that matter. She was your best friend without you being hers. Enigma at the same time so simple it took your breath away.

And she had a vision for a life. Where she would be allowed to fly. Where she would have her own independence. For being an only child - she had been cossetted in the bossom of her huge family and not let out much. But any fun thing and Vidya was game to try it. Such a "filled with life" personality that anyone would perk up in her company.

And there was one who had the privilege of being that close to her. Of knowing her inside out. Knowing what lay deep in her heart. And he loved her- heart and soul. Love they say is just a feeling - you have to feel it- with these two it was tangible. You could reach out and touch it. And her life with him would have been.. Well who is to say what it would have been.
For, when push came to shove, and it was time to tie the knot- Vidya tied the biggest knot - tied her whole family in one box and put a bow on it. Her parents couldn't have been happier when she quietly went and married Vivek - her own cousin. Vivek loved her - no doubt - to know her was to love her. And she was flexible enough to shove all of her past aside and put all her energy into making the future of her choosing - bloom.

And Vivek - probably he never realised what he got. Taking Vidya and her love for granted he is a completely happy man till date. What you never know you never worry about - and so Vivek never worries or even thinks about how his life would have been had Vidya not been a part of it. How close he came to losing her and just how much of a sense of duty she must have had to pull her off all she desired and into something which is today sapping all of her energy - he could never even hazard a guess.

I watched Vidya as her mother came and stood near me. "I thought I made the right choice for my girl with Vivek - thought she would be more happy than ever and will go settle abroad and have her own life. I spent my entire life looking after everyone and being taken for granted. Now I am old and cannot do it anymore. Still I am pushing myself as much as I can for the sake of my girl. But it hurts to see that she is going down the same path I trod upon - following in my foot steps. Devoting all she has to care for the same people I have cared for all these years. My baby - and I cannot do anything for her. I just tell myself she is happy and leave it at that. But it is an empty consolation" , she wiped off a tear and hurried off to help Vidya. And I thought yet again - how parents always think they know best. How they manipulate us into doing what they KNOW is the right thing and how we always come under their emotional pressure  ( I really dont want to use the word blackmail here ) and do it. And then comes a day when they look sadly and think to themselves how it would have been better to actually let go of their children to make their own lives, take their own decisions, and just be there as a support for them and not force them into the narrow roads which they felt were the best.
Mmmmm.... Must read this again and again as Somesh grows up !

This is a story - fictional yes.. but the skeleton I borrowed from someone. So my apologies to that someone who might want to write his own story :)) Some imaginations.. Some additions... Just to make it a bit more interesting... Here's to you :)))



"Move ! standing in the middle. your father's road is it" , the fat lady pushed by him. Koyambedu in chennai was at its peak on this sultry humid saturday night. Fot the nth time he thought of his reasons for booking in the bus and not going for the comforts of the train. He had been in chennai for 3 days- on official duty- roaming from place to place, having meetings for his current job and maybe even the next one he may take up. After all the flitting from place to place he was finally going back home- catching the late night bus. Tall and lazy looking, he shifted from foot to foot watching people all around him. He was a born observer- it was a second nature to him. His eyes took in the fat lady pushing her way through groups, the wailing baby on the mother's hip, the incessant honking of the buses in and out of the stand, the loud speaker announcing the arrivals and departures (as if it were a bloody airport!) , the slushy mud beneath his feet, the wind which teased with the promise of december coolness yet held itself back. Mind on things, his eyes went on absorbing sights around him without really registering it, when suddenly the earth stopped its rotation. the wind silenced its howling. The fat lady stood still, the baby on the mother's hip was frozen into immobility. For him the moment simply stood still - for there SHE was. He couldnt believe his eyes, his mind went into an overdrive and pulled him 12 years back.

No tensions as only a 18 year old could be, he was enjoying the whiff of adulthood - college gave a boy the feeling of being a man like nothing else did. Not to mention the coveted glances of beautiful girls looking shyly beneath their eyes when they thought no one observed them. But there was one and only one he watched for. Fair, slim and beautiful eyes (though in this HE could give her a run for her money), she was an year his senior. But love bloomed in his young heart as it has never bloomed before and probably would never after too. She was perfect. So sweet. So pretty. Even saying her name made his heart trip a beat and hammer in a rhythmn only he could hear. But she was a secret he hugged to himself. He was big on anticipation. The more you look forward to something the more interest it adds to your life. So he was busy being a friend to her. They will proceed to the next level sometime- of that he had no doubts. After all she seemed to like him, spent time with him, laughed at everything he said and was generally comfortable with him. The next step could wait. There was time yet. He did not have a doubt in his tender heart that she would be his - why! just last week when he fell ill, didn't she come to his house and put a smear of holy ashes with her own sweet hands on his forehead? His parents were so puzzled and asked him a hundred questions, but though his body burned with fever, his heart sang. When you are down, thats the time you find out who really cares. And she most certainly did.

Then came the day when she told him she wanted to talk to him about something. How with a heart full of hope he went to meet her in the groud- their favourite meeting place and how with his big puppy dog eyes he gazed at her waiting for golden words to fall from her lips. His goddess was about to give him the fruit of his waiting. "This is the guy I am going to get married to", she giggled as she showed him the photo of a young man. While she had eyes for none but the man in the picture, she missed the glaze of tears in his.

And so he went and watched the love of his life marry another. He was dead inside as he saw her exchange vows with another. His heart will never know happiness again. Everything was over. His life as he knew it was over. Unshed tears glimmerred as he left her laughing.

And now 13 years later- there she stood, in the busy busstand. Waiting for her bus to come. He recognised her immediately. He had been to chennai countless number of times in the past years. It was not obsessive that he thought maybe somewhere sometime he would catch a glimpse of the long lost love in this mad crowd. He did not actually look for her but he looked for her everywhere. In every face, every hand, every pair of eyes, he thought he caught a glimpse of her. When he crossed her street, he looked for her in every girl who stood by, who shopped, who bought vegetables. So many many times he had been to Chennai- stayed for so many many years, yet never met her even once. Never caught a glimpse of her anywhere. In one corner of his mind he always knew he would meet her.
A hundred imaginations he had of the scenario when he finally did. He would be a big star and she would come ask for his autograph. He would be doing a show and dedicate a touching song for her - hearing which she would cry and contact him. He would be eating in a restaurant in her area and she would walk into the same one. And some really imaginative ones too for who has a control on imaginations !
But never once did he think that he would meet her like this. Suddenly, in the middle of a crowded bus stand, when he wasn't even prepared for it. Only last week he had been going through his old albums where there she was all pretty and smiling and a fleeing thought crossed his mind how it would be to meet her yet again. And here she was ! Right in front of him. He went to her slowly and said "excuse me" . She turned and the universe came to a standstill. The honking of the buses seemed zillions of years away, the crowd seemed planets apart. This moment had only him and her. "I am S.." he started to say and she completed his name. The silly love songs, the sweet nothings described in them all seemed to make sense. Adrenaline pumped like a broken water geyser, making his brain go all fuzzy. They spoke - "my god !", "So many years", "How are you" , "How many kids" - but it was as if he stood steps apart and saw someone else go and take part in this inane conversation. He was just standing and gazing at her. Just drinking in the sight of her after 12 long years. She hadnt changed much. The same eyes. The same expression in them. The same voice. Maybe put on a bit of weight?  One part of his brain managed the talking part, the other had turned into mush.

They exchanged numbers and she got into her bus, promising to keep in touch. He walked as if in a daze and got into his. To go back to his family. His real life. Where his kids awaited him. His mind was reeling. What would you call this - fate? That he chose this particular day to return home when he could have very well taken the bus the day before. Or this timing. Or that he decided to take the bus and not a train. Or she was booked into the last bus - on this day. Or that in such a crowded bus where even with mobiles on hold you could take time to locate a known one- they came across each other? FATE was too small a word to explain this occuring. Miracle? Amazing? Awesome?

She never knew years before what she meant to him. How he had cherished her. His 18 year old heart was still in love with her. The grown up part had matured and learned to love others. His wife, his kids. His family. His job. His friends.
But the 18 year old heart was locked in a small box - untouched and fresh and it was that part of his heart now which was still hers that was ruling him. Now, after all these years- should he tell her about how he felt once upon a time. Will she realise on her own the next time they meet? Is there a purpose to their meeting. In a heartbeat he had gone back to being 18 again. Oh the thrill of simply looking her. The rush of seeing her call on your mobile. He could remember so many things about her - so many frozen memories which were etched forever in his mind. Small even inconsequential things which even she may have forgotten. He forgot what he had for breakfast yesterday but he remembered her first phone number. The mind was a funny thing. Some things it preserved so crystal clear and some it chose to shove out.

Life - so many uncertainities, so many decisions to make, so many problems, so many dilemmas - amidst all this fate thought of letting him become a "younger him" once again. Smile foolishly at his own thoughts. Have a skip and a hop in his steps. Hug a secret to himself and see it when he felt good- or even when he felt low. Show him that life after all can still be beautiful. All it takes is a memory to come alive ....